Why Matt Walsh Is Wrong About Porn

Hear me out.

In Matt’s defense, I wouldn’t want my own daughter, wife, sister, or (Dear Jesus, my mother) to be a porn star. They all have talents and interests that take them far away from Hugh Hefner’s mansion. However, as much as I hate to admit it (with the exception of my wife), all of these people are (or will be) sexual human beings. For the same reason I don’t want my daughter to begin dating…or to get married…or to *gulp* get pregnant, I wouldn’t want her to be a porn star. I don’t want to imagine my beautiful, funny, sweet, innocent little girl, or my hilarious sister, or my loving, gentle mother, as sexual. Because – gross. But unless they are asexual, they are sexual people. Being sexual is a healthy thing for most people (unless you are asexual). Has the word “sexual” made you uncomfortable yet?

Our culture has villainized porn from the beginning. And while I agree that most people involved in pornography could use their other talents for something more useful, looking at porn does not make a man a cheater. To say it does is offensive and fallacious. Porn = cheating is a moral equivalence fallacy and could easily turn into a slippery slope. If you believe this, you are putting a lot of good, porn-viewing, moral men into a very bad category. I’d dare say that you are being “judgmental.” I’m pretty sure Jesus wouldn’t approve of that. Unless we were to know all of these men personally, who’s to say they aren’t involved in healthy adult relationships with their wives, girlfriends, or partners?

I only have eyes for my wife and I would much rather have sex with her than view porn and do my own thing. So when I look at porn (WHEN I do – a thing I mostly grew out of after puberty) I don’t imagine myself with the cheesy, over-the-top porn stars. All it does is get me in the mood. My wife and I are very open about the fact that I look at porn. Every once in a while, she does, too. As two mature adults in a healthy relationship, my wife and I have watched it together. Whether it gets us in the mood or the over-the-top cheesiness makes us laugh, it always ends in a very healthy, sexual romp. What’s wrong with that, Matt?

It is also completely inaccurate to suggest that men who are looking at porn are spending their whole day “obsessively plunging through the darkest regions of the internet for graphic sexual images of rape, abuse, perversion, exploitation and other forms of filthy depravity previously unknown to mankind…” Dear God, Matt. What kind porn are you looking at? (Ahem…and PROPAGANDA alert!)

I do not doubt Matt’s statistics regarding couples who get divorced because of porn. You know why? Our culture has made it so and people with beliefs like Matt are only perpetuating the problem. Thank God my beautiful wife (and a few other women, I’m sure) aren’t buying it. But too many of them are. Too many wonderful women are being told by their Christian churches that their husbands are doing something dirty and evil. That they are cheating on them. That these men are hurting their marriages. That is wrong.

And it’s making it more titillating for these men to continue to look at porn in secret. You know what makes porn unhealthy? When men are creepy and secretive about it. If a man is hiding something, THAT is a problem. Hiding it can easily turn porn-viewing into a very unhealthy, creepily secretive obsession. Statistically speaking, the people who view pornography the most are the sexually suppressed. Do you know who the majority of sexually suppressed people are? Religious ones. This map shows that Utah is where the most porn consumption in the United States comes from. You know who lives in Utah? Mormons. You know what Mormons aren’t supposed to do before marriage? Have sex. Do you know what men are never, ever supposed to do in Mormonism? Look at porn. You want to know what else is big in Utah? Child pornography. As a porn-viewing man, I would never go there.

I’m just going to throw it out there that the less sexually suppressed a person is, and the less titillating pornography seems to someone, the less pornography will be viewed. I’d like to think I view pornography in a very healthy way – as do many other men. Moderation in all things. I’m not obsessed. And neither should you be.

And there are as many “mounds of psychiatric research [dis]proving the detrimental effects of pornography on the brain” as their are mounds of research proving them. And this: “I could tell you about sex slavery, human trafficking, drug abuse, and child molestation, and I could explain how the porn industry wouldn’t exist without these necessary ingredients.” Again, Matt, what porn have you seen? I trust that you don’t view it a lot because you are very clearly preaching against it and I doubt you’re a hypocrite. But with the very limited amount of porn you have seen, where in God’s name have you found it? I most certainly have not seen porn with the above “ingredients,” as you call them.

I completely agree with Matt about child pornography. Sex should exist only between two consenting adults (including same gender ones – I might as well open that can of worms). Children under the age of 12 shouldn’t be subjected to such graphic images but IT IS EVERYWHERE. The likelihood that our kids are going to see and hear things before we feel they’re ready is very high. Do you know what will help the problem? Prepare them for it. Prepare them how to appropriately handle the situation when it arises. I have told my son (who’s old enough to understand), that if anything ever makes him uncomfortable, to get away from the situation. But when my son is going through puberty, it is none of my business what he chooses to do with his body (unless it’s irresponsible – like potentially getting a girl pregnant/having sex before he’s ready/etc). It is also none of my business what my daughter chooses to do with her body. Because it’s hers. I can only teach my children to be responsible and show them that I respect them as individuals. After we have developed a relationship based on mutual respect, I can only hope that they listen to and follow my advice.

With that said, the fact that I have to put my toddler daughter in a bathing suit that covers all of her toddler private parts (including the undeveloped ones) shows that our culture is sick. She is a child. The thought of anyone seeing her as more than that is incredibly disturbing. My wife and I should be able to take her to the pool in nothing but a swim diaper but our culture thinks that’s just too damn sexual. She’s TWO. Jesus. Something that I previously mentioned is perpetuating this problem as well; sexual suppression. Sexually suppressed people are weird about sex. They start looking for sexual gratification in inappropriate ways. Like with animals and children. Teach people to be sexually healthy and I guarantee, things like this will be a lot less common than they are.

Let’s talk about cheating. Really cheating. When the person you love FALLS-IN-LOVE with another, tangible human being. Someone who can actually touch her, please her in ways you can’t. Someone she feels emotionally attached to. Pornography is a screen. I can’t talk to her, touch her, please her, or bond with her. I just fucking get turned on when I’m feeling randy. And when I’ve done my business (in usually 45 minutes or less) I move onto other things. Like “spending [my] free time with [my family], or reading interesting books so that [I] can sharpen [my mind], or building things, or exercising, or doing anything else that will make [me a] better [man].” Because porn doesn’t make me bad. But feeling the need to keep it secret, might.

Matt Walsh, I am a real, sexually healthy, porn-viewing family man in a healthy relationship with my wife.

16 thoughts on “Why Matt Walsh Is Wrong About Porn

  1. I don’t know who you are, Daddyblogs, but I love you 🙂 Exactly! I’m a wife and mom of a 2 year old as well and can say I HEALTHILY look at and enjoy it within the bounds of a happy, committed relationship and there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that. And I would never dream of villifying my own husband for looking it. After all, we’ve learned a lot from it 😉

  2. Maybe there is something in between Matt Walsh’s view and the one expressed above. I have worked with individuals struggling with pornography and other sexual addictions for 26 years. It is a legitimate concern for not only religious people, who you seem to view as sexually repressed but who may also be described instead as sexually responsible, but for others as well, and has led to a lot of heartache in and out of marriages. Regular viewing of pornography almost always leads to depressive symptoms such as. irritability, negativity, sleep disturbance, etc. It is also very damaging to our perspectives in how we view each other, especially women. It objectifies women and treats sexuality as something very casual at best and oftentimes in much more disturbing ways. I read your piece as an attempt to rationalize and justify behavior and ideas that you choose to engage in and want to feel okay about. While some people over react to pornography addiction, it does not need to lead to divorce, it is nonetheless a serious social issue and you dangerously minimize the impact it is having on individuals and families. Hopefully we don’t make choices out of how we feel but out of what makes sense and is good for society as a whole. Pornography is not nor will it ever be psychologically, physically or spiritually the most healthy choice.

    • Again, you mistaking Addiction with use. I spent the last 5 years working with drug addicts. If we are going to compare a porn addiction with true addiction, then they will exhibit the same tendencies. I believe Daddyblog is referring to the occasional drink of porn, and sometimes getting buzzed with porn on the weekend. He is not talking about a bender. All addiction causes “irritability, negativity, sleep disturbance, etc” not just porn. Some people are predisposed to addiction. We shouldn’t throw Porn under the bus. We need to throw addiction under the bus. I spent my whole life believing that porn use was addiction. It is an unhealthy way of looking at things.

  3. Anything for someone can become an addition and lead to negative consequences in one’s life… But for the vast majority of people.. Watching porn does not take over their life and can actually add some positive spice into a relationship… My husband is real man and occasionally watches or looks at porn.. With me most of the time… So Matt Walsh should take his judgmental opinions and keep them to himself.

  4. Pingback: Get a load of this crap! | Raw, Lewd & Indecent

  5. Funny you mentioned the pool scenario. When Matt Walsh was on WZBH in DE (back in June 2011), Matt and Crank went on a gay bashing spree over a story of a gay couple in KY kissing at a pool. Matt objected to the public display of affection where a “bunch of half naked kids” are running around. We don’t know about everyone else, but when we go to a swimming hole, we see a bunch of kids running around having a good time. We’ve never seen a “bunch of half naked kids.” Yeah, Matt Walsh has some serious sexual hang ups. If he were to show up at one of our swimming holes, we’d be packing up our kids up and going to another swimming hole.

    • Couldn’t agree more, Five Drunk Rednecks. Hilarious that he thinks that gay people need to be kept away from “half naked kids” in the first place. Dumbass alert!! Yeah, I’m talkin’ bout you, Matt. Clearly, he is completely unaware about the world. Unfortunately, he will never see it that way.

  6. Pingback: Get a load of this crap! | RawLewdIndecent

  7. When your husband has rejected you over 200 times in one year yet masturbates to porn. I’d say it’s cheating. If you’re married then there is no reason to masturbate to some slut getting reamed in the tush by multiple men or whatever the situation might be. I’m all for crazy fun marital sex and I am far from a prude but I don’t want to share my husband with an internet protitiute. That being said, your article was well written.

    • Kristen, I’m sorry for the very late response. I’ve been on an unintended hiatus from blogging.

      I’m disheartened by your reply. Viewing pornography and/or masturbating can be healthy when used appropriately. But your situation sounds far from that and I’m very sorry.

      Sex with a real, tangible human being is far far better than sex with your computer. I’d take my wife over porn any day.

      Also, your term “reamed in the tush” made me LOL and cringe at the same time. My wife and I definitely like to have fun…but there is definitely a line we don’t cross. She calls it the “Ew” line.

    • That’s the point… If the understanding and agreement you and your husband have is that porn is cheating.. Or if it has become a problem then he absolutely should not take part in looking at it at all ever… But it’s not Black and white for everyone. Some men don’t let it take over their lives and have it take away from their sex lives with their wives.. In some cases it’s an enhancement.. So it’s all an individual choice and under individual circumstances… Deeming it healthy for everyone or cheating doe everyone is just not accurate.

      • I apologize for the late response. I’d like to blog more/check my blog more and am still getting used to this. But I agree. Porn is not black and white. It works for me and my wife. It doesn’t work for others. Matt Walsh goes wrong by suggesting that it’s completely bad and “evil” for everyone.

  8. To say that pornography doesn’t fuel human trafficking or that it isn’t an ingredient is showing the ignorance of most people. Many of the girls are forced into this lifestyle of pornography or are somehow coerced by being promised large sums of money and a big house if they sell their bodies to the world. The young undeveloped brains of late teen and early twenties aged girls and young women are being manipulated into this lifestyle. Or they are being forced. You do not see what is happening off camera. Why do you think so many of these porn stars fall into drug and alcohol addiction? That lifestyle takes a toll on them. Continually live in a lifestyle that says you are only worth as much as your sexuality and see how that affects you. To say that you have never viewed something that has these ingredients is probably spoken out of ignorance. Would you really recognize a trafficking victim if you saw one? Would you really notice a girl being held there against her will after all of the editing is done to make her look happy? Watching periodically is still watching which is continuing to perpetuate the problem. As long as there is a demand, there will people who will meet this demand. The girls are made to look younger, and younger. Sex in pornographic films is all about the penetration and is usually forceful. Is that really all what “making love” to your spouse is about? Pornography in any form is destructive and not very affirming. Attempting to justify it by saying it is okay in moderation is foolish.

    • While I agree that sex trafficking is a major issue (even in the states), what we’re arguing here is that my viewing of porn = me cheating on my wife. And that is clearly not the case. Sex-trafficking is a whole other issue for another blog post. I’d like to add that the porn my wife and I watch (on occasion – not even monthly), is not purchased. Because we’re not always 100% sure where it’s coming from, we won’t ever throw money into the system. If I started paying for porn, that’s when I personally would see a problem.

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